Saturday, 20 August 2011

SUNK






I am a shipwreck
battered by time and tide
sunk by the weight of the ocean

my anchor is gone
I sail no more

I am a shipwreck
pinned to the seabed
water swirls and slops above me

my crew still on board
fifty fathoms deep

I am a shipwreck
battered by time and tide
sunk by the weight of the ocean


Written for Sunday Scribblings prompt - Shipwreck

6 comments:

Lilu said...

I think this has a lovely base for a poem =) However, I felt as though the last stanza should've been in the middle to even out the rhythm. It seems to stop all out of nowhere. And it leaves the reader a bit confused.

Visiting you from Sunday Scribblings ^___^

Susannah said...

Thanks very much for that Lilu.

As soon as I read your advice I was all "yes of course!" :-) and I did as you said and it read so much better. Then fueled by enthusiasm I continued to work on it and it has doubled in size. :-)

Hopefully it now feels a little more complete.

Thanks again, it is good to meet you. :-)

Kodjo Deynoo. said...

A lot like living

Nanka said...

Nice one Susannah!! My shipwreck is more like Jack Sparrow's 'Pearl' , wrecked like flotsam and jetsam and then back to sea afresh!! :D

Scribbler said...

Writing as the shipwreck itself was a unique take that made it very interesting. Great job!

Abigail Bunting said...

'sunk by the weight of the ocean'

This piece has a really ancient, gritty feel to it. I like it!

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