I am a shipwreck
battered by time and tide
sunk by the weight of the ocean
my anchor is gone
I sail no more
I am a shipwreck
pinned to the seabed
water swirls and slops above me
my crew still on board
fifty fathoms deep
I am a shipwreck
battered by time and tide
sunk by the weight of the ocean
Written for Sunday Scribblings prompt - Shipwreck
6 comments:
I think this has a lovely base for a poem =) However, I felt as though the last stanza should've been in the middle to even out the rhythm. It seems to stop all out of nowhere. And it leaves the reader a bit confused.
Visiting you from Sunday Scribblings ^___^
Thanks very much for that Lilu.
As soon as I read your advice I was all "yes of course!" :-) and I did as you said and it read so much better. Then fueled by enthusiasm I continued to work on it and it has doubled in size. :-)
Hopefully it now feels a little more complete.
Thanks again, it is good to meet you. :-)
A lot like living
Nice one Susannah!! My shipwreck is more like Jack Sparrow's 'Pearl' , wrecked like flotsam and jetsam and then back to sea afresh!! :D
Writing as the shipwreck itself was a unique take that made it very interesting. Great job!
'sunk by the weight of the ocean'
This piece has a really ancient, gritty feel to it. I like it!
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