Graffiti stained granite,
daubed with the markings of life.
Incendiary slogans shout for freedom,
there's a revolution in the making.
The too handsome stranger
has words that spin like plates,
and sparkle like screw top bottles,
all fizz and wasted glass.
Straight backed, he will not slouch,
though fervant desperation
spills from the cracked
cheap vessel of him.
She sweeps up the cold ash
as it falls from his burnt out life.
Cleansed of all her preconceptions,
she is taken by his strange beauty,
enchanted by the wild shine of his eyes,
and the way that the afternoon light
falls gently around his shoulders,
like a cloak.
daubed with the markings of life.
Incendiary slogans shout for freedom,
there's a revolution in the making.
The too handsome stranger
has words that spin like plates,
and sparkle like screw top bottles,
all fizz and wasted glass.
Straight backed, he will not slouch,
though fervant desperation
spills from the cracked
cheap vessel of him.
She sweeps up the cold ash
as it falls from his burnt out life.
Cleansed of all her preconceptions,
she is taken by his strange beauty,
enchanted by the wild shine of his eyes,
and the way that the afternoon light
falls gently around his shoulders,
like a cloak.
Written for The Sunday Whirl using all of the words.
28 comments:
Susannah -
Loved the line: "words that spin like plates, and sparkle like screw top bottles..."
~Paula
From the title to the last line, you filled me with hard hitting metaphors. This is a wonderful poem. If I hadn't known it was from a wordle, I never would have guessed. Brilliant.
Susannah,
This poem is rich in concrete images that make it very visual and strong. That is one of the marks of truly good writing!
Namaste..........cj
Painted a picture as clearly as if I'd been standing right there in the scene. It was beautiful and deeply poetic, very thought-provoking and an absolutely joy to tuck away in my mind :)
Strong images carry the reader through this poem. I love the closing image most of all. It is beautiful.
It starts off so strong hitting and then ends so gently with the comfort of his cloak upon the shoulders.
Lovely use of the wordle words.
Susannah, a solid write. Your metaphors glow, and the woman's preoccupation with sweeping up the granite crumbs sounds like Nancy Reagan to me! Amazing take on the Wordle. Amy
http://sharplittlepencil.wordpress.com/2011/08/21/escape-can-be-forever-amy-winehouse/
You definitely made the most of the wordle words! Wonderful images: "The too handsome stranger has words that spin like plates..." is perfection.
Well concealed wordle words, Susannah.
Pamela
I loved this, and 'words that spin like plates' and 'spills from the cracked cheap vessel of him' are just brilliant!!
Great imagery Susannah!! The second half is typically the romantic you, in contrast to the first half which is powerful, and loved it immensely!! It is so soft gentle and could have lasted forever but suddenly ends like does a dream.
Strangely I pictured this in a desert land. :)
Vivid and wonderfully creative. A roller coaster ride from sharply defined edges to that soft light of a cloak. A love poem of acceptance.
Elizabeth
wow. your poem reminds me of the
movie - The Rainmaker with Burt
Lancaster and Katherine Hepburn.
You have the quality of the shaman
and his zeal, its power down pat.
I liked the way you spun out the story, and the overall shape of the poem is very interesting. As others have noted, your imagery is superb.
Thank you for sharing your work at Real Toads.
No nonsense about these images! I saw and felt them with such clarity ... I loved it!
Brilliant writing, Susannah! I loved "words that spin like plates, and sparkle like screw top bottles, all fizz and wasted glass."
Love the title and the way you ended it was beautiful.
I love the images you create in this poem: words that spin like plates, all fizz and wasted glass, afternoon light that falls gently around his shoulders like a cloak. So descriptive. Wonderful.
This is such a WOW poem! I was swept along in the emotion of it.
Thanks everyone for your kind words. Isn't it wonderful when the wordle words lead to a story and just fall into place?
I still find the wordles so exciting for that very reason, they take you out of your normal groove and pull other things out of the hat! :-)
Good to see you all and thanks again. x
I love how this builds in excitement and descends in the the gentle fall of light like a cloak…wonderful.
Thanks very much Willow. :-)
Terrific contrast in POVs, Susannah, first showing us what the skeptic/cynic sees in the man, and then what the woman who loves him sees. Beautifully wordled.
Traci, thanks very much for your great comment. You summed it up beautifully! x
A tremendous poem, full of some wonderful imagery. Great use of the wordle words.
My favourite bit has to be, "She sweeps up the cold ash as it falls from his burnt out life." Love indeed.
Thanks for a great read.
Thanks very much MJ. :-)
Susannah, an amazing portrait. I sense charisma that draws her in, even though his words are "all fizz and wasted glass". Love that image!
Richard
Thanks very much Richard.
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