that sporadic tremor,
as you turn your head
toward the skyblown dawn.
Does the stigma
of your bright longing,
hinder your fluid movement
as you pledge a foul allegiance,
to those plaster reproductions
of your unrequited love.
You can not enmesh with illusion,
for fantasy is seditious in its unfolding.
Each tuft of grass, that is soft covering
those interminable, unspeakable,
nether regions of your mind.
Understands the taint
of your tread.
It knows its place,
beneath each touch
of your hard soled foot.
Written for wordle 17 at The Sunday Whirl
I almost gave up on this one earlier today!
I had written the first four lines straight away. . . as soon as I saw the wordle words, they popped into my head fully formed. Then I went away and left them simmering!
When I came back to them this evening, I was able to finish this piece, (after looking up 'seditious.' - I do hope I have used it correctly!)
As always I am really pleased that I was able to use all the words! :-)
I would be interested what conclusions the reader comes to about this. As I, as I usually do, just felt my way through, letting myself be guided by the wordle words. And now I am trying to piece together 'the story' inside the words.
24 comments:
Oh my Susannah, this is lush. I love the second stanza, the voice, the movement of it... My favorite lines ... "You can not enmesh with illusion / for fantasy is seditions in its unfolding."
Well wordled!
It seems to smack somewhat of betrayal, maybe?
Of something someone coveted but they would soon discover the object of their desire wasn't at all what they had expected it would be?
I don't know but, it's a fabulous read :)
Susannah, you have turned the wordle words into a lush pool of conflicted feelings. We all employ fantasy and yes it is seditious at times. And makes us wonder about our true state of being. And the shadows can be both beautiful and alluring. I think your poem is about temptation and the back and forth dance we often become partners in, in those moments of aloneness just before dawn. We often wish for what we sense is not good for us.
Elizabeth
Susannah, good that you did not give you. You produced a masterful piece of writing. There are so many good lines. My favorites are the last three lines of the second stanza.
I think your wordl is dynamite, brilliant. I love it.
Amazing use of the words. That first stanza is stunning.
Susannah, I read this twice, and I can only come up betrayal as the theme here. A powerful piece of writing.
Pamela
I had to love, "plaster reproductions of your unrequited love." That's one strong statement.
Wonderful lines there. Loved it!
hinder the tremors
"Those plaster reproductions of your unrequited love." This is a brilliant phrase.
I, too, had trouble with 'seditious,' but that word ultimately led me to the theme of my poem.
This was a beautiful read, Susannah. Amy
Some lovely lines here - 'skyblown dawn' is a superb pairing.
Disillusionment would be my guess at a possible interpretation.
Gosh you're good!
Glad you didn't give up this was wonderful.
I love that line - 'for fantasy is seditious in its unfolding' -
Thank you.
Oh I'm so glad you did not give up, Susannah. There are some wonderful lines and thoughts here. Loved skyblown dawn and bright longing... I agree with Viv about the meaning - felt to me like a disillusionment rather than betrayal. But I am reading the "you" as the narrator referring to the reader (but really him/herself) not the object of the unrequited love. (?) Sometimes when I'm not sure what I'm trying to say, it helps me to play around with the pronouns. Can make a big difference. Anyway, I enjoyed reading this very much. Thanks!
I saw in it the danger of idolatry and the hardening of one's heart it can produce. Excellent cautionary poem.
This is haunting and breath taking, and very clear and precise in the use of the wordle words. Absolutely gorgeous!
Thanks very much everyone. :-)
Some good phrasing in here but my favourite is
skyblown dawn
Lovely!
A lot of questions are asked by the restless mind in the first half while the second half is adjustment to your ideal, to reconcile it with reality. Very well scripted freeing yourself of false illusions!!
Unrequited love makes a good prompt. That and wordles. :) Great post.
Thanks everyone for your comments, all very much appreciated. :-) x
This poems can be read so many ways.
I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who had to look up seditious.
Susannah, I love how it opens with the sky, and ends with the earth. There are so many contrasts, sky and earth, movement and plaster reproductions, which I see as still and unchanging, fantasy and reality.
Richard
Cathy, I am glad that you had to look it up too. :-)
Richard, Thanks very much. This wordle left me with a strange feeling, I had completedsomething from the words but didn't quite 'get it'. Good to see you and thanks for reading and commenting.
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