I see her petulant mouth,
pink, pursed, and pouting,
as she lifts the heavy latch.
I wince in sharp anticipation
of the metallic clang as it falls. . .
a klaxon announcing her departure.
Her flashing eyes full of fire,
a last steely dart of rebellion
before she storms outside. . .
into the vermillion twilight,
her staccato heels echoing
down the bloodshot sidewalk.
Such a harsh,
spare, soundtrack
to accompany her exile.
Spun gold hair billows
as she burns bridges,
and ruins best laid plans.
Her leaving
will pick at the scar,
the crusty scab that would never heal.
The one that fuses the dubious union
that spawned and raised her up.
She stayed and she survived.
Until the house got too tight
and she feared she might die
- suffocate in its bitterness.
And I still see her petulant mouth
as she opened the latch
- and left.
Written for the Sunday Whirl - wordle 42 - using all of the words.
This collection of words bought forward this story. I love how these wordles do that! :-)
16 comments:
So vivid... I especially like:
Her leaving
will pick at the scar,
the crusty scab that would never heal.
I, too, love how the wordle words just write themselves.
http://lkharris-kolp.blogspot.com/2012/02/prowler.html
I like this one very much, especially this stanza:
Such a harsh,
spare, soundtrack
to accompany her exile.
I especially love the "bloodshot sidewalk." Wow! It stunned me with its truth in this context. Excellently played wordle piece. I'm going back to read it again, now.
Some goodies in here. I really like the "such a harsh...exile" stanza. It's like a brief, contemplative aside.
Having now been on the end of an angry teen storming off out in temper because she can't have an 'I want' I so get this.
It hits home to me so much. Great writing and use of the wordle words too.
Susannah, this is a wonderful little story. I could see her perfectly. You have painted a vivid scene.
Pamela
Whew, so vivid indeed. You have DEFINITELY shown me that 'petulant mouth.' This write awes me. As I am late in contributing, as I adopted a new dog and wasn't sure I would even write to this prompt, I am just sending my link as I comment
:
http://inthecornerofmyeye.blogspot.com/2012/02/wordle-42.html
I like how lifting the latch is such a significant act. And how the lines riff on the cracks in relationship.
Interesting and very good poem, I thought this was about a woman leaving her family and the kid watching. Nope the kid is leaving the mother.
This is a wonderful character study, Susannah. You made her come alive with the wordle words!
http://inthecornerofmyeye.blogspot.com/2012/02/wordle-42.html
I like how you open and close with the petulant mouth...but my favorite:
into the vermillion twilight,
her staccato heels echoing
down the bloodshot sidewalk.
LOVE that.
~Paula
Ah- ha .... here you are again. SO glad to have put your blogs together.
These wordles prompts have some pretty strong words and you have tied them together colorfully-
"Pink pursed and pouting"
Thanks everybody. I appreciate you taking the time to read and to comment. :-)
Terri, glad you found me here too. x
Good to see you all.
Loved the poem and this stanza especially,
"into the vermillion twilight,
her staccato heels echoing
down the bloodshot sidewalk"
Thanks very much Boogaloo. :-)
WOW! And a happy ending, when she lifts the latch and finally escapes........
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