Sunday, 5 February 2012

Haunted by her leaving. . .









I see her petulant mouth,
pink, pursed, and pouting,
as she lifts the heavy latch.

I wince in sharp anticipation
of the metallic clang as it falls. . .
a klaxon announcing her departure.

Her flashing eyes full of fire,
a last steely dart of rebellion
before she storms outside. . .

into the vermillion twilight,
her staccato heels echoing
down the bloodshot sidewalk.

Such a harsh,
spare, soundtrack
to accompany her exile.

Spun gold hair billows
as she burns bridges,
and ruins best laid plans.

Her leaving
will pick at the scar,
the crusty scab that would never heal.

The one that fuses the dubious union
that spawned and raised her up.
She stayed and she survived.

Until the house got too tight
and she feared she might die
- suffocate in its bitterness.

And I still see her petulant mouth
as she opened the latch
- and left.


Written for the Sunday Whirl - wordle 42 - using all of the words.

This collection of words bought forward this story. I love how these wordles do that! :-)

16 comments:

Laurie Kolp said...

So vivid... I especially like:

Her leaving
will pick at the scar,
the crusty scab that would never heal.



I, too, love how the wordle words just write themselves.

http://lkharris-kolp.blogspot.com/2012/02/prowler.html

thelaughinghousewife said...

I like this one very much, especially this stanza:

Such a harsh,
spare, soundtrack
to accompany her exile.

brenda w said...

I especially love the "bloodshot sidewalk." Wow! It stunned me with its truth in this context. Excellently played wordle piece. I'm going back to read it again, now.

barbara said...

Some goodies in here. I really like the "such a harsh...exile" stanza. It's like a brief, contemplative aside.

Daydreamertoo said...

Having now been on the end of an angry teen storming off out in temper because she can't have an 'I want' I so get this.
It hits home to me so much. Great writing and use of the wordle words too.

flaubert said...

Susannah, this is a wonderful little story. I could see her perfectly. You have painted a vivid scene.

Pamela

Mary said...

Whew, so vivid indeed. You have DEFINITELY shown me that 'petulant mouth.' This write awes me. As I am late in contributing, as I adopted a new dog and wasn't sure I would even write to this prompt, I am just sending my link as I comment
:
http://inthecornerofmyeye.blogspot.com/2012/02/wordle-42.html

irene said...

I like how lifting the latch is such a significant act. And how the lines riff on the cracks in relationship.

Cathy said...

Interesting and very good poem, I thought this was about a woman leaving her family and the kid watching. Nope the kid is leaving the mother.

Mary said...

This is a wonderful character study, Susannah. You made her come alive with the wordle words!

http://inthecornerofmyeye.blogspot.com/2012/02/wordle-42.html

When Words Escape said...

I like how you open and close with the petulant mouth...but my favorite:

into the vermillion twilight,
her staccato heels echoing
down the bloodshot sidewalk.

LOVE that.

~Paula

teri said...

Ah- ha .... here you are again. SO glad to have put your blogs together.
These wordles prompts have some pretty strong words and you have tied them together colorfully-

"Pink pursed and pouting"

Susannah said...

Thanks everybody. I appreciate you taking the time to read and to comment. :-)

Terri, glad you found me here too. x

Good to see you all.

booguloo said...

Loved the poem and this stanza especially,
"into the vermillion twilight,
her staccato heels echoing
down the bloodshot sidewalk"

Susannah said...

Thanks very much Boogaloo. :-)

Sherry Blue Sky said...

WOW! And a happy ending, when she lifts the latch and finally escapes........

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