I think this has a lovely base for a poem =) However, I felt as though the last stanza should've been in the middle to even out the rhythm. It seems to stop all out of nowhere. And it leaves the reader a bit confused.Visiting you from Sunday Scribblings ^___^
Thanks very much for that Lilu.As soon as I read your advice I was all "yes of course!" :-) and I did as you said and it read so much better. Then fueled by enthusiasm I continued to work on it and it has doubled in size. :-) Hopefully it now feels a little more complete.Thanks again, it is good to meet you. :-)
A lot like living
Nice one Susannah!! My shipwreck is more like Jack Sparrow's 'Pearl' , wrecked like flotsam and jetsam and then back to sea afresh!! :D
Writing as the shipwreck itself was a unique take that made it very interesting. Great job!
'sunk by the weight of the ocean'This piece has a really ancient, gritty feel to it. I like it!
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